i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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