I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pants are for mortals
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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