when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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