The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
