I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
