There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So much rum. So many feels.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
