Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
