Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
