Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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