Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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