Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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