i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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