By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
