I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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