there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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