you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
