Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
