she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
