Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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