it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
