Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
