this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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