I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
false alarm. still invincible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
