Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
