i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wanna go halves on a baby?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
