If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
