How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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