His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
