How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
