Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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