I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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