after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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