The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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