My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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