The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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