if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize