I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Two words: nipple clamps
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