Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
