2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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