Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
