I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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