You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
