remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
