My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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