Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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