i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
