I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
