I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
