I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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