I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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