butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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