I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Randomize