I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
