i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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