The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
