I cockslap morals
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
