I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
