I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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